Ring, Ring, Ring

“Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.”

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are phobic, don’t press anything.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fiddle with the * key until a representative comes on the line.
If you are depressed, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, post code, phone number, email address, date of birth, nationality, and mother’s maiden name.
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up now. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.


18 Responses to “Ring, Ring, Ring”

  1. 1 Raina March 16, 2008 at 6:52 pm

    Isang malaking LOL. How very appropriate to our profession. πŸ™‚ LOVE IT.

  2. 2 karla March 16, 2008 at 9:36 pm


    kidding. :)) walang bang press (insert number here) to talk to arnel?

  3. 3 Arnel March 16, 2008 at 9:38 pm

    press 143. hahahaha.

  4. 4 karlaloveschocolate March 16, 2008 at 10:34 pm

    143! 143! 143143143143143!!!!

  5. 5 Talamasca March 17, 2008 at 7:41 pm

    I think I’ve seen this somewhere before. I just can’t recall where. πŸ˜•

    Speaking of numbers…


    That is the answer! Google “answer to life the universe and everything” (thanks to The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy LOL). XD

    Oh, and just so you know, I made a podcast in my blog-gone-rogue once, and it’s a full-on rant-age just like my latest entry; probably why Jigs commented that he wanted an encore because he heard it and, I guess, loved it. Hit me back if you’re interested to hear my sexy voice WTF. Ktnxciao.

  6. 6 Arnel March 17, 2008 at 7:49 pm

    lol T, i heard that already. that’s why i wanted MORE!

  7. 7 Talamasca March 17, 2008 at 8:01 pm

    You heard it already? Waaaaahhhh *cowers in shame WTF* XD

  8. 8 Dan Hellbound March 17, 2008 at 11:46 pm

    At last. A hotline for someone like me – Deranged writer wannabe. Haha.


  9. 9 Padre Salvi March 18, 2008 at 12:32 am

    anu ipepress ng mga matino ang utak pero hindi nagets ang sinasabi ng teleprompter?

  10. 10 Christian March 18, 2008 at 8:28 am

    Hahah! Lol. This one made me roll on the floor!



    Wait, did I press the right number?

  11. 11 gyk March 18, 2008 at 4:06 pm

    this one is funny! hahaha (obvious ba?)

    good post!

  12. 12 Arnel March 19, 2008 at 8:06 pm

    Shameless Talamasca – lolz.

    Padre Salvi – press 565.

  13. 13 pam March 19, 2008 at 9:02 pm

    i’m more of 1-3-4-5-6 hahahahaha πŸ™‚

  14. 14 eric March 20, 2008 at 5:24 pm

    hahahaha. funneh. 111111.

  15. 15 Layla March 21, 2008 at 6:57 pm

    Reminds me a song by the sister duo Alisha’s Attic, called “Personality Lines”::

    Thank You!
    For dialling the hot personality lines
    hold the line please!
    If you press 1,
    I’ll tell you’re everything I want tonight
    If you press 2,
    I’ll get on my high horse and give you a fight
    If you press 3,
    I’ll stand at the back and observe from the right
    You press 4 – ! That’s the coolest
    And what would you know angel
    I’ll take you so high, get it!
    Mmm here we go!
    Feel the blistering speed
    Till the clouds try and cling to your toe!
    That’s your 39p up,
    Afraid you must put down the phone!

  16. 16 Talamasca March 23, 2008 at 4:41 pm

    @Layla – I am soooo familiar with that song! And I love their single entitled “Indestructible.” Oh, and FYI, it’s Alicia’s Attic. Where the hell are those one-hit-wonder girls anyway? πŸ˜•

  17. 17 Talamasca March 23, 2008 at 4:43 pm

    Ok. I stand corrected. It’s Alisha’s, alright. My bad. πŸ™‚

  18. 18 Layla March 27, 2008 at 4:43 pm

    @Talamasca: They split, but hehe, split or no, they’re still sisters, haha. πŸ™‚ I super loved them. Their songs are way, way cool and off mainstream, they’re sooooo WICKED. πŸ˜‰

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